Goodbye, Grandpa

My cousin (right) and me (left) sitting with Grandpa

My grandpa passed away last night. At 106 years old, we saw it coming. For years we’ve made sure to stop by for a visit anytime we came through town, knowing it could be our last chance to say hi, give him a hug, and tell him we love him.

Despite him getting older and his health slowly declining, we were still able to see who he was in those short visits.

Like December last year, when he noticed my brother taking pictures on his cell phone and asked about his camera, only to be fascinated by the technology that also allowed him to record videos, make phone calls, send messages, and much, much more.

Goodbye, Grandma

My grandma passed away a couple of days ago. She lived a long life, and I'm glad she's not in pain anymore, but it's definitely a change. 

When we booked our flight to go to California for the memorial service, my dad mentioned how it was strange, because normally one of the first things he would do once we made travel arrangements was to let her know we were coming down. She liked to know what was going on, and she liked bringing people - especially family - together.

Changed Plans

This past week was going to be awesome. It was going to include scoring tons of adorable baby clothes at a fantastic price, dinner with one of my best friends and her husband, a baby shower, a visit from a friend from Jr. High and then a trip to the zoo. At least that was the plan...until I threw out my back hours before the baby clothes sale. It was bad. I could barely walk.

So instead my week was spent alternating between lying down and walking around, and disappointing a 16-month-old that kept running up to mommy, expecting to be held. Needless to say, I was disappointed too.

I don't know why this happened this weekend instead of one where I didn't have any plans. But I thought it might help to make a list of the positive things about the situation:

Nothing Extremely Profound

Well, it's been almost 7 months since I've updated this blog. It's funny, because the longer I wait to update, the more pressure I feel to write something really profound. But in the end, I usually just start typing and letting my stream of consciousness come out. And because I still have a tendency to fight bedtime, this usually happens when I'm tired and should be going to bed. Anyway...

7 months. Even though it's gone by quickly, when you live with a toddler, 7 months is a long time. It's the difference between struggling to maneuver your body to reach a toy that's just out of reach and running around the house, giggling as Mommy or Daddy chases you. Or being able to clearly communicate what you're curious about, excited by or want to have, even though words are limited to a single consonant and vowel.

Despite times I wish I could just leave her lying on a blanket or move something out of sight so she'd forget about it, I absolutely love this age! It's so much fun to be able to interact with her and catch a glimpse of what's going on in her head, like when she references a song we were singing earlier or starts pretend playing. Needless to say, I'm still really enjoying being a mom!

Okay, as a side note, as soon as I wrote that last sentence guess who woke up and started crying for me, reminding me that even "my time" isn't my own. Perfect timing, as usual :)

Anyway, I feel like we're in one of those moments where everything is perfect. Or at least as perfect as it can be. Of course there are days I feel drained or moments I get frustrated that someone isn't cooperating, but for the time being we're in a good place. I have no idea what's coming up next, so I may as well enjoy where we are now, right?

So besides having fun with our 16-month-old, what else is going on?

• Work is going well. I've especially been enjoying recording my first vlogs (video blogs). You can see some of them here, and make sure you check back on Monday. I'm really happy with how that one turned out. I'm also excited about a new account I just started working on. It's still in the very early stages, but once I can tell you more about it I will.
• Matt's job is going well too. His schedule has been working well with balancing against mine, meaning we're still fortunate that we don't need to worry about childcare. Even when his schedule switches around in the summer, we can still make it work without needing to totally change my schedule.
• And although our schedule is somewhat busy with the whole work and parenting thing, we've been able to find time for family nights, socializing with friends and occasional date nights, too. I think that's one big thing that's been particularly helpful for us.
• We're also still very active at church. It's so fun to see how comfortable the little girl has gotten. The last few weeks she hasn't even complained when I've dropped her off in her class! Hopefully that will continue, although I expect it will take some adjusting when she moves up to the next class in May (once she's 18 months).

So I guess that's all I have for now. I should probably head to bed - I do need to be up in 5 and a half hours. But I'm excited to see what comes next and think this summer will be really fun, with trips to the park, friends and family visiting, vacation in California for a week, etc.

On that note, here are a few pictures. Good night!

 

9 Months In...

There are moments when I can't believe my little baby is already 9 months old. When I think about how much she can already do compared with, well, 9 months ago she seems so big! But then at the same time I know we're just starting out and there's so much to this motherhood thing I'm still clueless about.

Sometimes when I think about what's coming, I start to get overwhelmed and have no idea how I'm going to handle the future, like:

• Having another one or two (which is hopefully still a ways down the road) on top of everything else going on.
• Actually needing to discipline, beyond the simple foundational things you can do with a 9-month-old.
• Balancing the desire to give her everything she wants with the knowledge that it's better she doesn't get it all, and picking and choosing which "wants" we let her have.
• How life will change and she gets older and starts walking, talking, expressing her opinions more clearly and often, going to school, choosing friends, learning how to deal with peers, experiencing pain...
• Knowing when to push her towards the edge of the nest and when to pull her back and protect her.
• Preparing her to be the woman God wants her to be.

Of course I could go on, but I don't want to get too overwhelmed here...

As a list-maker, I thought a list of things I've learned first-hand would help calm me down:

• Maternal instincts definitely exist and kick-in when necessary.
• A lot of this motherhood thing is doing your best and counting on God for the rest.
• God gives us the kids we get for a reason. Yes, sometimes it's a challenge when my little night owl fights bedtime and naps (and I'm sure that's a battle we'll be fighting for years), but in talking to friends about their babies, I'd take that over their kids' personality quirks, and I'm sure it's vice versa too.
• There's no one right way to do things. Experts tell you conflicting things all the time, from how warmly to dress your baby to whether or not they sleep in your bed with you. Figure out what works for you and go with it.
• Moms come in all different shapes, sizes and personalities. Comparing yourself to other moms will only make you feel bad about yourself and self-conscious. Yes, you can always be a better mother, but play to your strengths and get help in areas you aren't as good at. 
• Life is in constant flux, but the changes come little by little so that by the time you reach the next milestone you're a little more prepared.
• 9 months ago I barely knew anything about babies. Now I know how to feed her, play with her, encourage her, soothe her, tell the difference between her cries...
• I'm not alone in this. In addition to each other, Matt and I have a lot of friends and family we know we can count on for advice, help, etc. Plus, you know, the whole God's hand being in everything thing :)

Yes, the last 9 months have been the hardest of my life. But I absolutely love where we are right now and am excited for what the future holds!

The Past 4 Months With a Baby

Well, it's been about 4 months, so I guess it's time for another blog post. As hard as it is sometimes, I absolutely love our life with a baby. Not so much in the middle of the night when she refuses to sleep in her crib. Or when I start to feel trapped, like I can't do anything I want to do. Oh, and the days when we're both exhausted aren't so fun. But I have a very understanding husband, an extremely flexible boss and all sorts of helpful advice from family and friends. Plus our little girl is so worth all of it!

Here are a few highlights from the past four months:

Dedication - In addition to having the opportunity to stand up and ask our church family to both hold us accountable and help us raise our daughter to know God (on Matt's first Father's Day, by the way), this was a fun chance to see family. My parents came up from California for a week, and Matt's parents are still in town so we'll get to see them for a few days later this week.

Matt's first Father's Day :)

Date night! Twice! - Over the last couple of months we got to go on two dates! Someone didn't seem to like the idea of us leaving her for a few hours the first time, which meant I didn't get to see all of Star Trek, but a nice relaxing dinner was more than enough for me! Plus I was able to leave her with Matt and go see the whole movie the next day. The second time she did a great job, and we made it all the way through lunch (below) and Man of Steel. 

Common Ground - While my parents were in town, Common Ground was on tour, so we got to go see them up in Kent. In addition to seeing my brother, it was fun to see the show and our friends that are involved as leaders.

California for my grandpa's 100th birthday - My grandpa turned 100! So we hopped on a plane for the weekend and attempted our first trip to California. Overall it was a success and traveling with a 4 month old wasn't so bad. We'll see how traveling with a 9 month old is during our next trip (I think that's how old she'll be?) Anyway, I totally spaced and didn't get any pictures with my grandpa (although other people did - they just haven't shared them with me yet), but here we are with my mom, grandma and aunt:

The church nursery - The baby has started hanging out in the church nursery on Sundays. Of the three times I left her there, she made it all the way through one service and a decent chunk of time through the other two. It's amazing how getting to listen to an entire sermon is such a treat :)

Visiting Portland - We had the opportunity to head down to Portland to visit Matt's sister and our awesome nephew a few weeks ago. We had a great time hanging out, scouring through Powell's books for board books and eating (a trip to Portland just isn't complete without delicious food).

Visiting Friends - We've had a couple of friends come and visit! One of my friends from college came down from Seattle for about half a day to catch up and hang out for a while, and another friend from California (who now lives in WA) came up to visit for a couple of days.

I think those are the main highlights for now. I'm probably forgetting something, but that's what happens when you're trying to remember everything off the top of your head while a baby sleeps on your lap. I have to say though, all in all things are going pretty well!

My Allergies Are Gone! ...Maybe

Allergy testing

Because of various reasons, I ended up seeing an allergist yesterday. If you don't know, I've had pretty extensive allergies my entire life. When my mom was nursing me, she was down to 5 foods she could eat that I wouldn't react to. I would even react to the amount of wheat in one of those small, styrofoam-y communion wafters when she ate it.

Anyway, food allergies have been kind of a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. When kids would bring cupcakes to school for their birthday, I got a box of raisins. My mom would often cook two meals for dinner, one with cheese and one without. So when the allergist tested me for everything I've been allergic to for as long as I can remember (nuts, dairy, wheat, shellfish, cats and wool), I was completely shocked to find out each and every test came back negative!

How could this happen? Apparently, a change in allergies is common after pregnancy. The allergist said he sees it all the time - women who have never been allergic to anything suddenly having them or those that have always been allergic suddenly aren't. It has something to do with the baby's immune system reacting with the mother's or something...he explained it, but I don't really remember how it works. Apparently it's fairly common though?

My first graham cracker in more than a decade

Of course, I'm kind of taking this with cautious optimism. I mean, part of me doesn't really believe it. I've just been resigned to the fact that we'll always need to order two pizzas (one without cheese) and that when the ice cream comes out I'll just opt for a cookie with some sorbet. I did test this last night though, and the results were good. After my appointment I picked up some graham crackers (an item I've reacted to since I was about five) and tried two of them. No reaction yet. I guess over the next several months I'll keep trying food out, paying attention and seeing what happens...