9 Months In...

There are moments when I can't believe my little baby is already 9 months old. When I think about how much she can already do compared with, well, 9 months ago she seems so big! But then at the same time I know we're just starting out and there's so much to this motherhood thing I'm still clueless about.

Sometimes when I think about what's coming, I start to get overwhelmed and have no idea how I'm going to handle the future, like:

• Having another one or two (which is hopefully still a ways down the road) on top of everything else going on.
• Actually needing to discipline, beyond the simple foundational things you can do with a 9-month-old.
• Balancing the desire to give her everything she wants with the knowledge that it's better she doesn't get it all, and picking and choosing which "wants" we let her have.
• How life will change and she gets older and starts walking, talking, expressing her opinions more clearly and often, going to school, choosing friends, learning how to deal with peers, experiencing pain...
• Knowing when to push her towards the edge of the nest and when to pull her back and protect her.
• Preparing her to be the woman God wants her to be.

Of course I could go on, but I don't want to get too overwhelmed here...

As a list-maker, I thought a list of things I've learned first-hand would help calm me down:

• Maternal instincts definitely exist and kick-in when necessary.
• A lot of this motherhood thing is doing your best and counting on God for the rest.
• God gives us the kids we get for a reason. Yes, sometimes it's a challenge when my little night owl fights bedtime and naps (and I'm sure that's a battle we'll be fighting for years), but in talking to friends about their babies, I'd take that over their kids' personality quirks, and I'm sure it's vice versa too.
• There's no one right way to do things. Experts tell you conflicting things all the time, from how warmly to dress your baby to whether or not they sleep in your bed with you. Figure out what works for you and go with it.
• Moms come in all different shapes, sizes and personalities. Comparing yourself to other moms will only make you feel bad about yourself and self-conscious. Yes, you can always be a better mother, but play to your strengths and get help in areas you aren't as good at. 
• Life is in constant flux, but the changes come little by little so that by the time you reach the next milestone you're a little more prepared.
• 9 months ago I barely knew anything about babies. Now I know how to feed her, play with her, encourage her, soothe her, tell the difference between her cries...
• I'm not alone in this. In addition to each other, Matt and I have a lot of friends and family we know we can count on for advice, help, etc. Plus, you know, the whole God's hand being in everything thing :)

Yes, the last 9 months have been the hardest of my life. But I absolutely love where we are right now and am excited for what the future holds!

Still Waiting...

It seems like the hardest time to wait is right before something big happens. As someone that likes to know the plan, waiting for an indeterminate amount of time is especially hard for me. Despite wanting my daughter to arrive right away, I try to be an optimistic person, so I'm trying to dwell on a few benefits to her not coming yet:

1. More Time With My Mom. Because my mom wants to be here for the delivery, she came up last week so she doesn't miss it. Even though we haven't had anything happen yet, it's been a lot of fun having time with her to talk, go to various stores, walk around, watch various TV shows together, etc.
2. More Time For Organization. The extra time has given us a chance to work on putting things away better and organize more efficiently. A few weeks ago, Matt's parents came up and helped build some really great shelves in our garage. Although I still want to consolidate a bit more, we already have a lot more room and feel much more organized. The extra time has certainly given us more time to put things away and find homes for a few things we never quite got around to unpacking when we moved.
3. More Time For Work. I have a wonderfully flexible boss and a job that doesn't take much physical exertion, so I'm able to continue working and don't need to spend time on leave until the baby's actually born. 
4. More Time For Development. Ultimately, I want our daughter to come when she's ready and fully-developed. So if she's not quite ready to come out yet, I'm trying to remember that she's still got some growing to do in the womb. That and God's timing is better than mine...in my 28 years of experience, His plans have always been better than the ones I come up with.

Despite the benefits, I'm still really excited for our daughter to make her appearance and am tired of waiting. Maybe today will be the day??

Photo Credit: deux-chi

Control & Planning

I like to know the plan. My dad must have told me, "Stick around and find out," hundreds of times when I was little. Even if it's going to change, I like to know what the plan is so I know what to expect (in fact, I've been known to plan to be spontaneous in certain instances just so there is an official plan in my head).

I often wish God would tell me what the plan is. I know that in reality, knowing what He's got planned would overwhelm me, and I'd probably try to do things my way so they wouldn't work out the way He wants them to. But I still like to know what the plan is.

I was recently reminded (yet again) that there's a lot I don't have control over. What I can control is my attitude and actions. The Bible doesn't specifically say, "Emily, this is what you should do in December 2011 or January 2012," but it does provide three actionable items that are what God wants for all of us:

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I guess that gives me three things to focus on until I find out more of the plan... 

Photo Credit: SuperFantastic

Owl City

I can finally see, that you're right there beside me
I am not my own, for I have been made new
Please don't let me go, I desperately need you


Despite being short, I think Meteor Shower is one of my favorite Owl City songs. It's amazing how just 30 words get me to stop, slow down and realize how much God has done in my life...and how much I need Him.

I've been listening to Owl City's newest album, All Things Bright & Beautiful, on Spotify recently. So far my favorite song is Angels, although there are definitely some other fun tracks, too. I'm excited to continue to become more familiar with them. I still really like the Ocean Eyes album also. My favorite songs? (Well, besides Meteor Shower) Vanilla Twilight and Fireflies.

Attitude is Important

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


I think that’s one of my favorite Bible verses. Granted there are a LOT of good ones, but I like that it actually spells out three things to keep doing over and over:

1. Be joyful
2. Pray
3. Give thanks

I had these on my mind this morning when I woke up to go to crew. I didn’t want to go because I knew we’d be erging (using the rowing machines), which I really didn’t feel like doing. As I was getting ready to go, with a very bad attitude of course, I realized that going through the motions was only a part of the task. I wasn’t grateful or joyful, and my prayers were definitely full of complaints. That realization, coupled with the decision to enjoy myself, made the morning (and the whole day) so much better! Yes, we had to erg, but we got to do shorter sprint pieces (the type of workout I prefer) and I was able to enjoy the company of my teammates and coach. Overall, I would say I had a good morning – all because I chose to follow God’s instructions!

Brilliant, Emily (but not really)

Last night I was brilliant. Well, not really. Pretty much the opposite of brilliant. I was cooking dinner following the instructions in my Rachael Ray cookbook, which included baking chicken a skillet placed in the oven. No problem, our skillets are oven safe. After the poultry was cooked, I pulled the skillet out and served it up, at which point I realized the handle was sticking out over the aisle as opposed to the stove. Without thinking about the fact that this stainless steel object had just come out of the 400 degree oven, I grabbed the handle to rotate it over the stove. NOT a good idea...

(my hand after soaking it in cold water)

...needless to say, I spent the rest of the evening nursing my hand. Despite my thoughtless act, my hand is actually doing amazingly well (praise God!). I woke up this morning with one small blister on one finger, and bit of tenderness in the other fingers. But no hospital visit was necessary, and I really don't think this will limit any of my day-to-day activities (beyond not rowing this morning).

Oh yeah, did I mention I'm rowing again? I started last week. I am having so much fun! We only have practice 3 days a week so - as much as I enjoy it - it doesn't take over my life in quite the same way as it did in college. Everyone seems really fun and friendly, too. It's been great getting to know them a bit over the past week, and I'm excited to get to know them even better over the next few months.

Self-Indulgence = Blah

Today has been a 'blah' day. I'm not quite sure why, but I've been in one of those moods where I don't feel like doing anything, and all I want to do is sit around and veg. I'm sure there are several reasons for this, but ultimately I realized that the only way to get out of this mood was to stop sitting around thinking about what I feel like doing, and instead do something productive that benefits someone else. In fact, I didn't start feeling better until I made Matt a sandwich (funny how the focus wasn't on me...).

Matthew 3:4 does something I don't think is done anywhere else: it describes John the Baptist's clothes. "John's clothes were made of camel's hair, and he had a leather belt around his waist. His food was locusts and wild honey." Regardless of whether or not someone's wardrobe and diet are included somewhere else, I know it doesn't happen a lot. I realized that if it was included, it was probably an important detail. So I thought about what the relevance of this was. The note in my Bible said that John's wardrobe and diet show a visual protest against self-indulgence, which I verified by pulling out Matt's commentary (it said the same thing with a lot of larger words). What I realized is that in my flexible, wide open schedule I've become extremely self-indulgent. Although I don't go out and spend a whole lot of money, I do whatever I feel like doing when I feel like doing it, which means I usually end up watching TV or perusing sites like Facebook.

In my quest to do something productive and less self-indulgent, I opened my Bible up to Revelation and read the following (7:15):

Therefore,
"they are before the throne of God
and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them.

The illustration above shows those who "have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb" (vs 14) serving God day and night. This reminded me that I should be serving God at all times - day and night. By serving others I'm serving God, and serving others takes the focus off of me and puts it on someone else, which I'm sure is a good thing.

So what am I taking from all of this tonight? I'm guilty of self-indulgence and that needs to be changed. My focus needs to be on serving others, whether it's something simple like serving my husband by making him dinner or washing dishes, or something larger for someone else. My long-term goal is to keep my eyes open for things that need to be done so I can step in and do them. In the short-term, I'm going to spend less time sitting in front of the computer and TV so I can pay attention to other things going on around me.

Goodbye Uncle Al

The world lost a great man yesterday. We knew it was coming, but that doesn't make it any easier...especially considering the speed of the loss. Less than a year ago he seemed fine. He was making jokes and giving advice like he always did. Even a few months ago, despite the quick onset of physical limitations, he still had his fun sense of humor and wise insight to offer. 

It was hard when my grandma passed away a few years ago, but it didn't seem as harsh. She had lived a full life. At over 80 years old, she had seen both of her children happily marry and have kids, and all four of her grandchildren were old enough (the youngest was 17) to know her and remember her well. I know God's timing is perfect, but this time it doesn't feel so ideal.

As much as I'll miss my uncle, I know he's going to be missed much more by others. I pray that God provides comfort to his wife, kids, mom, brothers, sister and close friends. I know we'll never know why God chose to take him yesterday, but at least we can be assured that he's no longer in pain...and that there is a reason God chose to do it this way.

Obedience, Prayer and Pumpkin

I have to say (well, type) that Joseph and Mary really impress me. I've started reading through the book of Matthew again, and what really hit me in the 2nd chapter is how they followed God's guidance without hesitation. 

After the wise men were gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. “Get up! Flee to Egypt with the child and his mother,” the angel said. “Stay there until I tell you to return, because Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.” That night Joseph left for Egypt with the child and Mary, his mother. 

- Matthew 2:13-14, NLT

What really struck me when I read this is that they got up and left that night. I can't imagine what it would be like for Matt to wake me up one night and say "Let's go, we have to move to North Dakota* tonight." They probably had friends in Bethlehem - they had already been there for about a year and half - and they just got up and moved that night. It blows my mind. That's the sort of obedience I hope I show when God gives me clear instruction.

To change topics a bit, I watched The Preacher's Wife last night. I remember watching it with my mom when I was younger, but I didn't remember it very well and it was in the Instant Play section of Netflix so I decided to watch it again. Although I disagree with some of the underlying theology, I thought it was a really good movie. I think my favorite thing about it was that as soon as the audience sees the pastor pray, God answers - just in different ways than he expected. I think that's fairly realistic, which is probably why I liked that part of it so much. Of course the singing in it was fantastic (Whitney can sing), too. It would be so fun to be in a choir like the one at that church...

Another recent highlight: We got to carve a pumpkin today! Matt and I found out we make a pretty good carving team. I hate decided what to cut, so he drew a picture on the pumpkin for me to cut out. Then I opened it up, gutted it, and cut along the lines (although he did the tree). Then he took the pumpkin back and cleaned up the edges, which was convenient since by that point I was done dealing with the pumpkin. I thought it turned out pretty nicely! Can you tell what it is?

You can still see the pen lines a little bit, but I'm sure they'll fade from focus once it's dark and we light a candle inside. It'll probably be easier to see the little scene then, too. Too bad the spots were too hard to include...

* North Dakota was chosen as it's roughly a 2-3 day drive, and based on the distance from Bethlehem and the edge of Egypt it probably took Joseph and Mary at least 2 days to get there...although that's just what I figured so it's just an estimation.

God Protects, Listens...and Has a Sense of Humor

It can be frustrating to wait for God's timing on things. In retrospect it's usually easier to see how his timing is always best, but that doesn't make it easier while you're waiting...especially when you have bills to pay and a lot of free time to wonder why he's taking so long.

In these instances I try to change my perspective. When a child is waiting for something, 15 minutes can seem like an eternity. An adult knows that it's well worth it to wait that 15 minutes, though, or whatever they're waiting for won't be quite as good (i.e. the food might not be cooked all the way through). I think it's the same way with God. We sit here wondering why it's taking so long for him to do his providing thing. Who knows - maybe the situation he has in mind isn't set up quite right yet, maybe we need to learn something before we're ready, maybe his way is something completely different than we expect...or maybe he knows that we'll appreciate the opportunity more if it doesn't just land in our lap.

These are also times I remind myself of all the ways I've seen God work in my life. In the past 10 years alone, I've seen God protect me, answer my prayers and use his timing to remind me he's in charge.

God protects:

Fairly soon after I got my license in high school, I was driving as my friends and I hung out. We had talked about playing pool earlier, and then ended up doing something else instead (I can't remember what). One of my friends decided to go home while my other friend and I decided to go to Starbucks. As we were on our way to the coffee shop, we realized my friend forgot her pool cue in the backseat. I'm not quite sure why we decided we needed to return it before going to get coffee, especially since we'd see her again soon, but we decided to make a detour to her house to drop it off. As we were leaving to head back out to Starbucks (and the busy street we had to take at commute time to get there), my brakes stopped working. Fortunately I was only going about 20mph, and was able to slow down as I turned the corner and park on the next street. Of course the cell phone we had for emergencies didn't get any reception (that was back when everyone didn't have one), but we also happened to be about 5 minutes by foot from my parent's house. Just think - the brakes could have given out when I was going twice as fast on a much busier street at commute time. We also could have been stranded much further away.

God listens:

There are two times I've asked God to heal Matt within the past year and a half, and both times he has answered my prayers exactly as I asked. The first time was at Mount Hermon (family camp) with my family last year. At the beginning of the week he wasn't feeling very well - like he was beginning to come down with something (I think it was Monday night). He asked if I would pray for him to get better, so I did. I didn't really think about it at the time, but when I prayed I asked that he would feel better by the next day. The rest of the night he still felt sick and, when he woke up the next day, he felt perfectly fine. This happened again right after Matt came back from a missions trip to Mexico. Of course, this was right after Swine Flu broke out (when everyone was panicking), and he came home feeling terrible with a fever. We took his temperature right away and it was 101. I prayed that God would bring his temperature down within the next few hours and help him feel better soon. Although it took a few days for him to feel better, I took his temperature again two hours later and it was down to 98.

God times things perfectly:

The most recent instance of God reminding me that he's in charge occurred within the past few months. I don't remember much about what was going on, but I know it was a Thursday and I was complaining to Matt about how I was hungry. Of course, he felt the need to point out that I sounded a lot like the Israelites in the desert grumbling to Moses about food, to which I told him I didn't see any manna lying around. About a minute later, the doorbell rang. Standing there was a UPS man holding a "Mannatech" box that happened to be full of food (Beef/Turkey Jerky, chocolate, etc). I knew my mom had sent a box, and she told me it would it would arrive on Friday. Apparently God had arranged for the package to arrive a day early at just that instant to remind me that he's in charge...and that he has a sense of humor.

I know thinking back to these situations and trying to change my perspective doesn't make time speed up, but it helps me stay calm and not worry. I know God is going to provide what we need when we need it and, in the meantime, he's listening to my thoughts and concerns...and most likely using this time to teach me something new.

Life Then vs. Now + What Change Means to Me

Happy October! It's weird to think that Matt and I have been living in Washington for almost 3 months already...and even stranger to think that we've been married for almost a year (it'll be a year mid-November). It's odd to think of how much my life has changed in just a year. This time last year, I was working 40 hours/week plus a 30 min commute each way 3 of those days, involved in a variety of weekly activities (i.e. Bible study), planning a wedding, driving about 2 hours a week to spend time with Matt, finding time to hang out with family and friends and, of course, keeping up with a few of my favorite TV shows. How did I do all of that?? Now I work closer to 30 hours/week with a daily commute to my living room, spend time with Matt (which requires no drive whatsoever), try to go for walks at least 5 days/week, and keep up with a variety of TV shows. I guess I could add the Bible study we've started going to since we've gone twice and plan to continue...but even still, my activity level has significantly dwindled. As someone who enjoys having a lot going on and keeping busy it's been a bit of an adjustment, but I know it's a part of moving to a new place where we don't know many people, and it will take time to get plugged in to the community here.

I guess one of the things this change is teaching me is how much I need to depend on God every single day. I consider one of the gifts God gave me to be faith, and I've only really doubted God once in my life (I know that's not typical of most 25-year-olds). I think a lot of it has to do with how God made me, but also with how my mom encouraged me to look at events in my life from an early age. I don't believe in coincidences. There have been too many things in my life that have just "worked out" for them to be a random chance. It's easy for me to see God working in my life, but I lack the self-discipline to regularly pick up the Bible and spend time focused on him without distraction. A year ago, when I was much, much busier, I justified my lack of discipline through everything I had going on. Looks like God's not letting me use that excuse anymore...

I was reminded of all of this when a former neighbor and friend from elementary school posted a link to a skit by The Skit Guys on YouTube. It's a great reminder about how God never said life would be easy, and that when things are hard it's for our own good. It's also a great reminder of how we should find our value in God, and not from the media or society we live in. Check it out at http://bit.ly/148Etz.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

For those of you that don't know, Aaron Sorkin is a genius when it comes to TV Shows. I like to watch TV, and there are a lot of shows I enjoy, but one of the things I love about his shows is their rewatchability. No matter how many times I sit down to watch Sports Night or The West Wing, I find myself laughing and crying along with the characters.

I recently decided to sit down and watch Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - his most recent show which NBC sadly canceled after one season. I hadn't seen it since it aired 2006-2007, but I was yet again reminded of how much I love Sorkin's writing. He has this great way of using music and visuals to create a moment that is just...perfect. Watch the Christmas episode of Studio 60 if you want to see what I mean. He does it in his other shows, too, although more often in the West Wing than Sports Night.

I also love the way Sorkin uses dialogue to drive the show. Thinking back to the West Wing, there are a lot of conversations that could easy drag, but he writes the script in a way that keeps the audience interested. I'm not a TV writer or expert by any means, but I can tell you that the words he chooses along with the timing of delivery are what make his shows stand out.

The other thing Sorkin does that I absolutely love is make characters that completely disagree with each other, and yet respect and care about each other -- an example of this is Ainsley Hayes (a very smart, savvy Republican) in the West Wing. The main way he does this in Studio 60 is through Harriet Hayes (I just noticed they have the same last name), a fairly conservative Christian that holds true to her faith, despite her life and work on a late night comedy show in Hollywood. I really like that all of the other characters on the show respect her faith and even stand up for her when smaller characters say cruel, hurtful things to her, even though they don't believe in God at all. I also really like that Studio 60 brings up a lot of questions about God, and Harriet doesn't always have an easy answer. We don't know why God chooses to do things a certain way, and why he doesn't just swoop and fix everything when things get really hard. When Harriet gets stuck and doesn't know why, I love that she says she doesn't know. From my experience, faith isn't about knowing all the answers - it's the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see (see Hebrews 11:1).

I wouldn't say that Studio 60 is a very religious show, but it does bring up a lot of questions that people have about God, and I think that's good. Asking questions is good, but it's also important to look for the answers in appropriate places. If I had specific questions about fish, I wouldn't go to Blockbuster to try to find out more. All they'd be able to do is give me the Little Mermaid or Finding Nemo - great movies, but unlikely to answer my questions.